Engage, Support, Connect

Engaging, supporting, and connecting involves talking with the people you are concerned about, offering them support, and possibly connecting them with trusted resources. In this section, we are going to talk about how to engage and support someone you are concerned about. Then, we’ll discuss how to refer them to resources where appropriate. 

Engage and Support 

We use the term “engage” to mean having a conversation when you are concerned about someone. We are not asking you to investigate, diagnose, or “fix” the problem. Rather, engaging simply means talking with someone about your concerns in an attempt to better understand what may be going on so that you can help someone connect to services if needed.  

It is important to note that talking directly to the person you are concerned about is not expected. It is okay to not want to talk with someone you are concerned about and to talk with a trusted resource instead.  

Here are some things to consider when deciding whether or not to engage someone:  

• What is your relationship to the person you are concerned about? Some people feel most comfortable talking with people they are close to, such as a close family member or friend. Others may feel uncomfortable regardless of their relationship. That is okay, too. You should only engage someone if you feel comfortable doing so. 
• Would this person be comfortable talking with me? Even when we are willing to have conversations, those who we try to engage may not want to talk to us. They may feel embarrassed, shy, or unwilling to open up. That is okay. You should not push someone to talk when they are not ready or comfortable.  

Consider talking with a trusted resource who can help you identify the best action moving forward if any of the following apply: 

• You don’t feel comfortable engaging someone. 
• You feel the person you are concerned about would not be willing to talk to you. 
• You’ve tried to talk with them but they are unwilling to talk to you.  

If you decide to engage someone, be sure to consider the time and place to have that conversation. Try to select a location that is safe and also allows you to actively listen and talk. You should also try to set aside enough time so that the conversation does not feel rushed. 

Talking with someone about a concern can be a sensitive issue, both for the concerned person and the individual they are worried about. Effective engagement involves expressing concerns in a non-confrontational and non-judgmental manner, actively listening to their responses, and expressing the appropriate amount of care and support.   

All of us have likely been involved in conversations that were emotional or about sensitive subjects. We’ve all likely had experiences where those conversations did not go well and others where they did. There are many ways to approach conversations that are sensitive. One option is to gently and thoughtfully express your concerns (e.g., what you have noticed) and then ask how the individual is doing.  

Generally speaking, it’s often best to use questions that are: 

• Open-ended (questions that elicit more than a simple yes or no in response) 
• Non-confrontational 
• Non-judgmental 
• Not aggressive or accusative 

It is also important to use “I” statements as much as possible. These are statements that begin with “I” instead of “you.” For example, stating, “I feel like you are more upset lately and I wanted to know how you are doing,” feels less accusatory and judgmental than, “You are angry all the time.”