Active Listening

Supportive and caring conversations require active listening. Active listening involves paying complete attention to what someone is trying to share, both in terms of the words being said as well as the feelings or emotions being conveyed. It is good practice to do the following when actively listening:

• Look at the other person and give them your complete attention. Avoid distractions. 
• Listen to the words being said as well as the emotion.  
• Pay attention to non-verbal cues. 
• Provide small verbal or non-verbal encouragements that show you are paying attention. Examples include  nodding your head or affirming that you’re listening by saying, “Mmm hmm,” “I see,” or, “okay.” 
• Avoid interrupting. Allow the other person to finish speaking first. 
• Ask follow-up questions that are open ended, non-confrontational, and non-judgmental. Be patient and do not push too hard for individuals to share.  
• Summarize and reflect on what has been said. This can be done using phrases such as, “What I heard you say is . . .”   

Active listening also involves expressing your support and care once someone has finished sharing. Example statements include: 

• Thank you for trusting me with this. 
• I’m here for you.  
• I want to help. What can I do to support you? 
• I’m here to talk anytime if it helps. 

Another important skill that accompanies active listening is giving feedback. Giving feedback is an opportunity to help the individual understand your concern and show them you are listening. Providing good objective feedback involves thinking steps and action steps. Thinking steps are those that do not occur out loud, but in your head. Action steps are things you intend to do.  

Thinking steps include:  

• Deciding what kinds of objective information you wish to share. These might include statements about what you have seen, heard, or learned about from others that are making you concerned. Sharing objective, concise information prevents those you are concerned about from feeling judged. 
• Considering the different ways to give feedback to the person you are concerned about.  
• Selecting the right time and place for sharing your feedback. 

Once you have determined the right course of action, then you might:  

• Explain or restate your concern, sharing objective information to support your concerns. 

Try to stay away from judgmental statements or those that convey feelings or emotions. Be careful not to promise something you cannot provide.